happy birthday

Dear Mason and Carter,
Happy birthday boys!! To be quite honest, you birthday was a lot harder on me than I thought it would be. I still miss you every day without fail, but I am really doing quite well. Your birthday was a whole different story. I woke up that day an emotional wreck. It is not the most fun thing in the world to celebrate a birthday for dead babies. You were not here to dress up cute, smash a cake all over your face and open presents. You were not here for me to give extra loves to. We had to sing happy birthday to your headstone.

However, your little party/celebration at the grave was actually quite lovely. I wasn’t sad. There were happy feelings all around, with lots of yellow balloons, cupcakes and love. You have so many who love you, and we will never let anyone forget about you special little boys. We all wrote special messages on balloons and sent them up to you. I hope you were able to read every single one J I also hope there is cake in heaven so that you don’t have to miss out.

I sure hope you boys felt the love we have for you on your special day. Looking back on last year was full of all sorts of emotion. June 29^th-July 2^nd were the worst days of my life, but mixed in were a lot of my greatest, most special and meaningful moments I will ever have. I am really so grateful that you were born to us and that we could love you, hold you and worry about you, no matter how short the time was. It was worth it. I wouldn’t take back any of the pain and sorrow for those precious moments with you boys. I love you so much and am SO excited for the day we meet again. I hope your special day was filled with love. I know our hearts were full that day!

Love you forever, Mommy