I still miss my baby boys as much today as I did the moment they left this earth. I still think about their birthday everyday. I told Jared yesterday I am jealous because he got to hear Carter's cute little cry when he first came out. I never got to hear either boys make a sound. Sometimes I think I am dumb for still being so sad. It seems like the majority of people have forgotten about my babies. They were only 23 weeks old, and only lived 1 and 3 days. But man did they impact my life. I was telling someone the other day that they have impacted me as a person more than Ava. I really believe that. I don't cry too often anymore, because I am pretty good about letting my emotions out by talking and talking and talking and writing.... but these pictures today made me cry. They are making me cry right now, and it is a good thing. I think people are worried they will make me cry. But it is a good thing to make me cry. It helps me. I just don't want to make people feel awkward around me if they make me cry. Our society is really bad about dealing with sadness. Why is is supposed to be such a private thing when having others support is one thing that helps more than anything? Megan and Tyler got married the week after our whole hospital ordeal. So they happened to be on their honeymoon on the day of Mason and Carter's funeral. My twins got to go to Disneyland! Ava hasn't even been yet ;) I loved seeing this. It is so nice to see others remembering my babies and letting others know about them. Thank you so much Megan and Tyler for this wonderful gift. Some days I feel that I am the only one that remembers their existence. Happy three month birthday my baby boys.
I saw those pictures on facebook and it just warmed my heart. I totally agree with you, I don't understand why things like therapy, depression, sadness, loss have to be so private and hushed in our culture. It's something we (as a culture) should probably be the most open to talking about in order to receive that support and guidance, so overcome such feelings. Keep your chin up MJ! You sound so much better, and trust me, I will never forget about your precious sons and how they impacted me. I am still so grateful I was able to see Mason for just a little bit!
ReplyDeleteI still think about your sweet babies and you daily. I am so amazed by you and You have taught me so much by your example in the last three months. Thank you for sharing all that you have :)
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with what Meredith said above. And, so you know, I think about Mason and Carter often, and also you. You have already come a long way in 3 months and are doing remarkably well, in my opinion. I'm glad that the twins got to go to Disneyland too, everyone needs to go at least once, right?!!
ReplyDeleteI know that if feels like everyone else has moved on, and perhaps some of them have, but many of us will always remember your sweet baby boys! Especially those of us who have also lost a child and know what that pain is like. Colette only lived for 5 hours but she has changed our whole family forever, My 3 year old prayes for her every night and my 6 year old prays that she will be happy in heaven and doing good missionary work :) Remember that it's ok to be sad. its' ok to talk about it, and how can you not? They are a huge part of your life and your family. Know that we love you and that we pray for your whole family.
ReplyDeleteAnd what a sweet thoughtful thing Megan and Tyler did in remembering your boys and taking them to Disney land!!! What special photos for you to always remember :)
I heard someone who had a loved one die in the Twin Towers on 9/11 say "When you lose someone you love, one of your biggest fears is that people will forget them. I want to make sure no one ever forgets them." I agree! I get scared no one will remember my Mom, or things about her. And I'm sure you are afraid others will forget your babies. But I want you to know that I haven't. I think of you and Jared and Ava often and pray for you every day. Your babies love you SO much and are on the other side rooting for you and helping you through. We love you!
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