I've got my hands full

It's no secret that Bennett is very high maintainance . 90% of my day is spent with a baby in my arms. Days are spent feeding one child, hurrying to get the other one food before the first starts crying again. Then a short nap for baby gives me a few minutes to scarf down something FAST. Dressing each of us, and only minutes later being covered with spit-up again. Listening to Ava's constant chatter, reading her books while feeding little one. Standing up, holding him the correct way to keep him from crying constantly. Another short nap and we hurry to either shower, or clean something, or spend some quality time with Ava. Never all three. Baby is awake again. He never sleeps long... except during Ava's nap. Naptime for Ava means I hold Bennett the whole time trying to get him to take a nap longer than 40 minutes. It usually works, and sometimes I get to fall alseep at the same time. Photo shoots, song singing and rattle shaking all happen during his happy moments. I usually get one smile per day. Walks happen almost daily; sometimes in the stroller, most of the time me carrying him in the bjorn. My back aches. My whole body aches for sleep and rest.


A year ago, my arms were supposed to be filled with two babies. I was supposed to be exhausted from no sleep, not from grief. My body was supposed to ache from pure physical exhaustion, not from missing my two little ones more than I ever though possible. I was supposed to have no time for myself. Instead I had too much time for sad thoughts. I felt empty. My arms were missing something.

Today, my hands are full, and I would not want it any other way.