Ava has a surprise!

Today we got to see our sweet little baby and it finally made me excited. I am a little VERY worried to get excited about having a baby and having my hopes and dreams all come crashing down again. I feel very blessed and very happy that we were able to get pregnant again so quickly after we were “allowed” to try again. But boy, this pregnancy is stressing this mama out big time. EVERY little twinge becomes something that is going terribly wrong in my mind. And when I am in bed in the middle of the night my stomach is never quite big enough to convince me that my baby is actually still growing inside. I have had bad dreams, and MANY sleepless nights.

But back to today. I fell in love today. I have been trying so hard not to grow attached to this baby. I am 14 weeks along and our little one actually looked like an adorable little baby and now I am head over heels in love. This baby deserves to be loved by me just as much as I love Ava, Mason and Carter and finally today I am allowing myself to get my hopes up and trust that things will work out like they are supposed to.

I met with a high risk doctor today and we talked about what happened with Mason and Carter and what the plan will be with this baby. The lady I met with knows her stuff when it comes to preterm birth and I left feeling so educated and happy. She said that most likely what happened with our boys was a fluke. Most likely this baby has 90% chance of nothing similar to that happening at all. She mentioned something about the possibility of infection (because things changed so quickly and so early), or maybe even something wrong with the babies themselves that we didn’t know about maybe coming into play with the twins and she told me that there was absolutely nothing I did that caused it to happen. I have been told that many times before today, but today I actually believed it. She backed up her words with studies. That is way more convincing to me than just words alone. Preterm birth is a very complicated thing. All the normal things that I had convinced myself that I did wrong (being too active…) had nothing to do with my babies coming so early. Phew, what a weight lifted off my shoulders.

So I get to meet with perinatology every two weeks for now and they will check my cervix. If things start to change at all they will have me come in more often. I will get lots of pictures of my little one, and the huge relief that comes after seeing your baby on ultrasound looking healthy and kicking around. Jared was baffled at why I was happy about meeting with doctors so often. Haha, I think other pregnant ladies would understand the weird excitement that comes with meeting with your baby doctor. (Although I now convince myself they are not going to find a heartbeat before every appointment which is quite stressful) I also still get to meet with my OB for normal baby appointments. This will help relieve so much stress. The normal 4 week wait in between appointments is just way to long.

Anyway, I think it’s a boy, Ava is convinced it is a GIRL. We will see… and maybe we will tell when we find out. I am due August 29^th. So let’s hope this baby and Ava’s birthdays are super close!